by Kim Esser

My husband and I went to an informational meeting on adoption in our hometown in 2006. We have three wonderful kids but were open to adding to the family through adoption. After the meeting we immediately started in on the paperwork.

As the one-year anniversary of our log-in date approached we saw the wait time increase triple fold. What were we to do? Stay in the process? Drop out? Switch to special needs?

In the end, we decided to go the China Child of Promise route. My husband and I filled out a minor/correctable needs checklist and then compared our lists, deciding on needs that we thought we could handle. We filed the paperwork in late August 2008 and three weeks later we had our referral! She was a beautiful little girl, about to turn one that week, and she was missing some fingers on her left hand…that was it!

We immediately said, “Yes! This is our child!” and started the process to bring Seren SuPing home. It seemed like everything then took the long route but in reality we were on our way to China in February 2009 to bring home our girl!

Seren SuPing has added so much joy to our family,and we can’t imagine life without her. If you are a family trying to decide if the Child of Promise program is right for you, take that leap of faith. In reality, you are the ones in control because you decide what “special needs” you are open to. There was never any pressure from Holt, and they never tried to persuade us into needs that we weren’t open to.

Holt wants you to feel comfortable with what you decide upon and only wants what is best for the children. I look at our new daughter and can’t imagine not having her. She fits our family perfectly and has made us all appreciate what we have and what we do as a family.

by Dannah Gresh

I am an adoptive mother struggling to reach into the recesses of a broken heart—that of my precious fifteen-year-old daughter, Autumn. She is in her bedroom writing too. She is having a bad day. Having been adopted at the age of thirteen, she misses China today. I encourage her to write her emotions in the pages of a journal. Some of her thoughts are too private. She writes those in Chinese so I cannot read them. I feel as if those Chinese characters represent an ancient code within her that I have to crack to find her healing. I’m fairly certain it is going to take me a lifetime to read her.

In 2004 God opened our family to the idea of adoption. We were on a mission trip in Zambia and fell in love with more than one orphaned child. We prayed: “God, if you want us to adopt, we are willing. Drop a child into our lap and make it clear.” He did, and when He did our hearts had been marinating in the call for two years.

In 2006 my husband’s best friend Troy VanLiere called him. He’d just come from China where he and his wife, Donna had adopted two girls a few years earlier. He sent a photo of Autumn to my husband’s laptop

Troy explained: “All she wants is a mom and dad, but in eleven months she’ll age-out and won’t be adoptable. What should I do?” Before we knew it, we realized that God was dropping a child into our laps…and she was thirteen.

Adopting an older child from another country is a drastically unique experience. The school systems don’t really know how to advise you educationally. Even the very experienced child psychologist who works with us doesn’t have any similar case studies, and so doesn’t always know how to advise me.

Once Autumn shut down emotionally to Lexi, her teenaged sister, and we couldn’t figure out why. After three months, we finally learned that it stemmed from a moment of sibling rivalry in which I intervened. After giving the girls time to figure it out, I quipped: “That’s enough. This isn’t working!” Lexi correctly interpreted it to mean: “If we don’t negotiate a plan here, mom will!” Autumn thought it meant I was taking her back to China, and so chose to not interface with Lexi in an attempt to stay. It’s complicated and if you aren’t willing to roll up your sleeves and stay in the game, don’t consider it. On difficult days, you’ll have to believe without a doubt that this was a calling for you and your family.

How can you know if it is? First, know that you love the stage of development you’re adopting whether that is teen, tween or kindergarten. We have loved parenting teens more than any other stage of development. We work with teens and have experience in addressing at-risk behaviors, healing emotional trauma and hanging out with them. To us, adopting Autumn-with her attachment issues, mother-traumas and learning challenges- seemed like a much better plan than baby bottles and diapers. We realized that we wanted a teenager.

Second, get the advice of several families who have adopted children your age. We dug hard and found a handful of families who had adopted teens, and even after their worst-case scenarios we still wanted to adopt a teenager. In fact, we loved the stories of success they shared and couldn’t wait to live out that story in our lives.

Third, make sure you have a support network around you. The first year is world-changing. You are changing the structure of your family, teaching a child English, learning to cook food they like, helping them make friends, figuring out what their emotional wounds are, and adding the extra costs and time for special needs. Before we made our final decision, we went to our children, our parents, and our staff. We got their feedback. They were willing to support us in this. And, they did.

It took us about two weeks to solidify the decision that adopting an older child was a good one for our family. If you think that was a reckless timeline, consider that we had only eleven months to get her out of China. On her fourteenth birthday-no matter how far along in the process we were-she’d become ineligible. We had to act quickly.

At the time adoptions through China were taking twenty-four months. There were miracles along the way. At one point, USCIS communicated to us that they needed 10-15 weeks for a piece of paper. We only had two or we’d miss our deadline. So, we asked people to pray. Soon, we got a call from USCIS that they wanted us at their state facility within twenty-four hours to finger print us.

Another time, we realized that we needed $25,000 and fast. A family friend gave us $12,000 and we were on our own for the rest. We prayed because we couldn’t see a solution. That week my accountant called and said I’d been reporting my author’s royalties incorrectly for a few years. The IRS owed me $13,060.00.

On days like today when Autumn hurts, I am certain of one thing. God has given me Autumn. I believe that is why he allowed miracles to surround the process of her adoption. More than that, I think I know why God has given her to me: I’m learning about me. I’m learning how selfish I am, and that I need less of me. I’m learning how much I like to be in control, and that I need to yield. I’m learning how much I feel like I need a plan with all the details, and that life is written best when we go day-by-day. I’m learning that God has given me Autumn so that she can be healed, and he has given Autumn to me so that I can be healed.

As I finish writing this, Autumn has finished her journaling. She came into my office a few moments ago and showed it to me. It is in Chinese and is for her heart only. But, she’s brought it for me to gaze upon, as if inviting me to figure it out. Leaving it on my desk, she’s now curled up on the little sofa in my office. She just wants to be close. That’s all I know for today, and I’m pretty sure it’s all I need to know.

by Colleen Thompson

My husband and I adopted our younger daughter, Celia, in 2006 through what is now known as the China Child of Promise program. Like many families, we started out in the standard program, and then switched tracks shortly after, as we learned more about this wonderful program.

Through our adoption experience, we learned some helpful lessons along the way.

Lesson 1: Embrace the information you receive, but don’t expect it to be complete.

Celia had a congenital limb abnormality of her left foot. After accepting the referral, Holt’s China staff got us updated photos of Celia - including close-ups of her foot - which we shared with our pediatrician. We knew Celia was not yet standing on her own, but our doctor’s initial assessment reassured us that Celia’s limb difference need not have a significant impact on her physical development.

What we didn’t know was that, during the three months we waited to travel, Celia was developing another medical condition that would prove much more challenging.

Lesson 2: Set realistic expectations for your own emotional well-being.

Being a “glass-half-full” sort, I was naturally drawn to all the heartwarming, feel-good stories of adoptive families. Without realizing it, I had created a fantasy in my own mind of how our story would play out.

By the time of our referral, Steve and I felt well prepared to accept Celia into our family. We completed the “Parents in Process”, read all the recommended books on attachment and bonding in adoption, and did our best to prepare our daughter, Sawyer, to become a jiejie.

Celia bonded with us quickly. We were, however, utterly unprepared for the upheaval of our life back home as our older daughter adjusted to a new sibling. For three months, we were challenged by physical violence, extreme tantrums, and regression in development - not by Celia, but by Sawyer.

There were days when I second-guessed our decision to adopt, and even more days when I doubted my qualifications to parent. Sawyer and Celia are practically inseparable today, I just wish I’d had more realistic expectations of what that transitional summer would entail and been better prepared emotionally to help Sawyer work through her transition.

Lesson 3. Let go of your preconceptions and accept that life is full of surprises.

At our orientation in Beijing the day before we met Celia, we received new photos and information on her. I cried tears of joy to see her running in one photo - evidence that her limb difference would not affect her mobility, and I was not particularly concerned to hear that she was battling a rash on her scalp.

When we met Celia the next day in Taiyuan, we were alarmed to find that the “rash” had developed into a large bald area covered with sores. With a visit to a Western doctor in Guangzhou days later, we began a medical odyssey that we had never contemplated for this child.

Over the next two years Celia was evaluated by a series of medical specialists, none of whom were able to provide a diagnosis or a cure. Last fall Celia underwent two surgeries to remove the unhealthy scalp tissue.

Our lesson learned, of course, was that knowledge and understanding of one existing medical condition doesn’t preclude the existence of others. As with biological offspring, we never know if or when medical, developmental, or emotional issues might arise. We were so prepared for Celia’s limb difference and potential bonding issues that we honestly never considered the possibility of another medical issue.

According to my favorite Chinese proverb, “A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfections.”

For us, Celia is that diamond. Her resilience, affection, and good nature shine brightly for everyone around her. We have grown immeasurably through this experience, and we know the flexible, adaptive approach we learned along the way will serve us well as we raise our daughters.

We are starting to plan for our 2010 Heritage Tours to China and hope that you will consider joining us on this adventure.

Holt was the first to pioneer the concept of heritage tours for international adoptees and their families. With adult adoptees on our staff and board, and years of experience working with children in orphanages all over China, Holt is uniquely qualified to provide a very special homeland experience for you and your children.

If your family is thinking of joining one of these exciting and meaningful trips to China, now is the time to consider Holt’s tours.

We’re still compiling lots of positive feedback from our 2009 summer tour, and our plans for our 2010 tours are on the drawing board. We hope to host up to three tour groups next year, depending upon interest and our staff availability.

You can find out more information and fill out a preliminary interest form on the Holt’s China Heritage Tour webpage

Best Regards,

Lisle Veach, Administrative Coordinator, China Program

This sweet young man loves talking, laughing with others and watching TV. In care since May 1998, Danny has lived with his foster family since December 2006. He has Hepatitis B and a seizure disorder. While he does have some trouble in school, he is able to memorize materials presented to him. He enjoys math and gets along with his foster family very well. He needs a family who has experience parenting past his age and can provide the medical treatment that he may need.

To learn more about how you can adopt Danny, visit the Journey of Hope website or contact Erin Mower with the Waiting Child program at erinm@holtinternational.org

Adopting a Waiting Child
Sometimes children have healthcare needs or other special challenges that make it more difficult to find adoptive families. They may be part of a sibling group, or no longer infants or toddlers. We call these our waiting children, and they deserve to have families of their own.

Holt International and the government of China are urgently looking for families to adopt 29 children from a program in southern China. If they reach 14 years of age, they will no longer be eligible for international adoption, and their chance to belong in a permanent, loving family will be lost. Because of Holt’s commitment to finding families for all children and the success of our Waiting Child Program, Chinese officials have given Holt access to videos and detailed information in order to find families for these 29 beautiful children.

The Children:
• Boys and girls 7-12 years old
• Many now live with foster families
• Some have special needs

Go to the Journey of Hope General Photolisting to view initial pictures of these children.

Register or log-in for access to videos and more photos of the children.

]]> http://www.holtintl.org/china/chinamoon/?feed=rss2&p=576 http://www.holtintl.org/china/chinamoon/?p=415 http://www.holtintl.org/china/chinamoon/?p=415#comments Wed, 01 Jul 2009 14:35:21 +0000 ashli http://www.holtintl.org/china/chinamoon/?p=415

by Michele Mazzio

Adoption was something that my husband and I talked about many years ago, particularly after we lost our son, Brendan, to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) in 2001. After a long grief process we started to explore and research domestic and international adoption. We discussed the programs and met with various people who had adopted internationally.

As a teenage girl I dreamed of having a little girl from China, and my husband was open to this, as well. After a little over a year of paperwork and wait time, we adopted our daughter, Emma from the Province of Guangdong in 2005. After so many years of empty hearts and arms we held our healthy 15-month old little girl. We were so excited and thrilled to have been blessed by this gift.

Emma is now an amazing 5-year-old girl who loves to hula-hoop, do gymnastics, play the piano and just enjoy life every day. As her pre-K teacher tells her: “You are the sunshine in my classroom.” She has certainly been my sunshine and warms my heart every day. Emma has taught us so much more about love and life and the importance of family.  She has even taught me how to parent a child after the loss of another.

My husband and I decided that we wanted to take another journey back to China and adopt another little girl. We completed our paperwork and submitted our dossier to China in 2006. At the time we knew that the wait would be longer than before but not that the wait time would get extended each month that went by.

One day I was reading an article about Holt’s Child of Promise Program and about little boys who need families, too. When I think about adoption from China, I only naturally think about the little girls. I had never thought about adopting a boy from China.

My husband and I discussed the program and explored the possibility of being open to adopting a boy. After so many years had gone by and having my broken heart mended by my beautiful daughter, we called Holt and told them that we would like to be considered as a prospective family in the China Child of Promise Program, and in addition, that we preferred adopting a boy with a mild, correctable medical condition.

I’ll never forget the day I spoke to Brian Bradford at Holt.  He was so happy to hear that we were open to adopting a boy. Furthermore, he told me that it could be a matter of weeks until we received a phone call (something I couldn’t comprehend after waiting for 2 years). We submitted our medical checklist in November and received the phone call in December about a 13-month-old little boy with clubfeet.

After contacting pediatric orthopedic doctors about the severity of his feet and condition, we were told that he has a mild case of clubfeet and would be easily corrected by serial casting and braces. We knew this was the child that we had long waited for.

For me it was that opportunity to provide a life to a little boy that we couldn’t give to our biological son. We left for China in April. Words cannot even express how much love I have for Daniel. He is truly an amazing boy and has shown me once again that life should be lived with joy and happiness. Daniel has gone through a lot since we brought him home, but he laughs and smiles every day. He completed a month and a half of serial casting for his feet and is now wearing his braces. He will only need to wear the braces at night after about a year, until he is about 3. Our two children have truly blessed us, and I never thought how much my life would be completed by my family.

I am writing this article not only to share our story with you, but also to connect with those who are willing to open their hearts to the little boys who need good homes, too. If you can open your hearts and minds, adopting a boy can be a significantly rewarding and memorable experience, as it has for us.

by: David and Jennifer Lotspeich

“Have you considered a boy? Boys in China with minor needs are in great need of loving families,” said our Holt social worker, Judy.

Have you ever been driving, just enjoying the trip and almost missed your turn? You slam on the brakes-hopefully there is no one behind you-and you just barely make your turn. This phrase hit us just like that. My husband and I started our process in January 2008 thinking like most that we would receive a little girl.

“A boy?” We hadn’t even considered a boy.” I had my mind set on pigtails and frilly dresses, not cut off jeans and ball caps. I got on the Holt message board and asked other China families to post pictures of their little men. One look and my husband and I were hooked.

For the next six months we were always working on something. Working on our dossier, applying for grants or working on additional fundraising. At times it seemed overwhelming, but in June we heard those life-changing words: “We have a little boy we think would be a good match for you.” To hear those words, and even to remember hearing them almost makes me weak in the knees.

From June until November we prepared to bring our Jonathan home. I painted bedrooms and held bake/garage sales. David had the large responsibility of applying for additional grants and no interest loans. We placed Jonathan’s picture on our refrigerator, and he became a part of our everyday conversation.

One day I made conge because his referral said that he ate it everyday. I tried to bring a little bit of China to our family. My children still have not acquired a taste for it. As each day passed, my heart longed to hold him more and more. Then in early October we received our travel dates. As I type and reflect, the word that comes to mind is “surreal.” All of our work and preparation with this day in mind, and it was finally here.
The very next day we started making plans, buying tickets, making freezer meals and the list went on and on.

We left the day before Thanksgiving and received our Jonathan on November 30th. After that day, China was still enjoyable, but as you can imagine, it was also very difficult.

Jonathan was very sad and most of the time had a very confused expression, which broke our hearts. Now that we look back on it, if we were able to go back in time we would have educated ourselves more thoroughly about bonding issues with adopted children, especially those over a year old.

For the next five months we struggled a great deal with bonding. Not only was Jonathan going through the grieving process, but he was also trying to find his place in our family as we were getting familiar with him. My advice: educate yourself about everything. Talk to other families that have gone before you and gain a support system. It may be one of the most difficult things you have ever done, but like the saying goes, “This too shall pass.” Jonathan has now been home for 6 months and 10 days. He continues to go through the grieving process and has both good and bad days like any other toddler, but he is our Jonathan, and our life is by far much richer with him in it.

My husband and I chose to be open to adopting a boy because you do not get to choose your biological children. You are simply blessed with what God has given you. We saw our adoption the same way…and we have been blessed with Jonathan.

]]> http://www.holtintl.org/china/chinamoon/?feed=rss2&p=421 http://www.holtintl.org/china/chinamoon/?p=428 http://www.holtintl.org/china/chinamoon/?p=428#comments Wed, 01 Jul 2009 14:29:33 +0000 ashli http://www.holtintl.org/china/chinamoon/?p=428 by SueAnn Rand

I got “the itch” shortly after my husband and I decided for sure that we were not having any more children. We were so very blessed to have three healthy, beautiful daughters. What more could we ask for? I had the itch, nonetheless, and after discussing our many options, adoption seemed to call to us.

Our decision to adopt another girl was not even a decision really, though we would have been happy with a boy if we had one anywhere along the way, that was not the path chosen for us. Girls are just what we know and do best.

What a great life experience for our very lucky daughters and a wonderful opportunity for us to grow as a family while reaching out to a little girl halfway around the world.

A friend of a friend had adopted three children from China through Holt, and that was all we needed to hear, Holt was our choice. After starting the paper chase in April 2007, our dossier was logged in with China in June. After a few months, we were very discouraged to hear of the increasing wait times for adoption within China.

We had heard a little about the China Child of Promise option but didn’t really think it was right for us - quite frankly it scared me! After exploring it a little and learning that we were in control of the types of special needs we were willing to consider, we decided to fill out the minor/correctable needs conditions list.

By the time we were finished researching the different conditions, it seemed we hadn’t really selected many that we were ok with, but we finally submitted our list to Holt in December. I’ve always believed things work out the way they are supposed to, and I knew our perfect fate was waiting.

Just four months later, I got “the call” at work and was overwhelmed with excitement, nervousness and anxiousness. As I listened to the details of our new daughter, I was overcome with joy! I called my husband to tell him the news and anxiously awaited the email with the official written information from Holt, and the pictures of course!

After a delay in getting the email (it seemed like DAYS, but was actually just a few hours), we KNEW she was our daughter. Xi Nian Qiong was born October 12, 2007 in Kunming, China. She was found the day she was born and taken to the local orphanage. She was born with a small hole in her heart and a tiny bump above her right eyebrow. Our wonderful physician reviewed her file for us very late that night and gave us the medical “ok”.

The hole in her heart was likely to heal on its own and if not, would require a very minor procedure to fix, and the bump above her eyebrow was likely purely cosmetic. We received an update in July that she was living with a foster family - this was very exciting news! We also received additional photos - what an incredibly beautiful baby we were to be blessed with.

We left for China in September, and were united with Calista Hope, on Sunday, September 21, 2008. Words cannot describe the emotions of that day. What an absolutely perfect little girl we were chosen to be the forever family for.

We had a wonderful trip, with Holt guiding us and helping us every step of the way. At the medical check-up in Guangzhou, we were told her heart had healed. We were very excited but wanted to wait until we returned to the US to confirm this. Upon our return, our physician did indeed confirm that her heart had healed on its own and the tiny bump was purely cosmetic and nothing needed to be done with it. We were blessed with a perfectly healthy little girl AND shortened our wait time incredibly.

We had our daughter home with us by October, just a short 18 months from our initial (non China Child of Promise) application to Holt.

If you are even thinking about the Child of Promise option, go ahead and fill out the medical conditions list - you have NOTHING to lose and a beautiful child to gain! Calista fits in with our family perfectly. There is no doubt that she was born into this world to be a Rand girl!

Please feel free to contact me at SABRmeow@aol.com if you’d like to ask any questions. Sincerely, SueAnn Rand